On His Grave Read online

  “I’m just trying to be practical, Kristen. You’re obviously a bit over-emotional right now, but give it some thought. Perhaps, when you’ve calmed down, you’ll see that what I’m suggesting makes sense.”

  “I will never let Ollie come and live with you during the week, do you understand me? Now get out of my house before I do something I regret.”

  Stephen shook his head, as though he was disappointed in her, and then leaned into the living room. “Bye, Ollie. I’ll see you at the weekend, okay?”

  “Bye, Daddy,” the little voice filtered through.

  Kristen bit back on a sudden desire to tell Stephen that he wouldn’t get to see Ollie this weekend, or any other weekend any time soon. Though the urge to be vicious and try to hurt lay within her, she knew she never wanted to be that kind of parent. It would be all too easy to use Ollie as a weapon, but the main person who’d get hurt was him. She loved her son too much to do that.

  Stephen finally left, and she shut the door on him, and then pressed her back against it, shaking. She didn’t know how much more she could take today. Since when had she become everyone’s enemy?

  Was this Stephen’s way of getting Ollie for good? Was he doing things to her home and car to try to make her look incapable of taking care of him? Her mind went to the letter from the solicitor. Had Stephen been advised to do these things to her in order to get custody of Ollie?

  Whatever he was playing at, she had no intention of letting him win.

  THAT EVENING, HAIDEN didn’t come home at his normal time.

  As the minutes ticked past, she grew more and more anxious about why he was late. She checked her phone, making sure she hadn’t missed a call or message from him, and wondered if she should send him a message instead. There were no guidelines for this situation, and she didn’t want to look as though she was chasing him. Of course, it was just manners for him to let her know if he wasn’t coming home for dinner, but other than that, he was free to do whatever he wished. Just because they’d slept together didn’t mean they were in any kind of relationship. Maybe now that he’d shagged his landlady, he was on the hunt for someone younger, and had taken someone he’d met at the university out, instead. God, if he paraded some perky eighteen-year-old around, she thought she might die.

  Her heart was heavy, and her insides churned like she’d eaten something that hadn’t agreed with her. She wished she could take back them having sex, but that was impossible.

  The front door clicked open, and she froze. Would he go straight upstairs, or come looking for her? Would he even mention what they’d done, or perhaps it would be better if they both acted like it had never happened? He’d said he hadn’t wanted for her to say them having sex had been a mistake, but he’d been high on the moment and endorphins when he’d said that. Things always looked different in the cold light of day.

  The kitchen door opened, and she forced a smile. Haiden looked exactly like he always did—handsome and relaxed. She’d probably spent the day agonising over everything, while he’d barely given what they’d done a second thought.

  “Hey,” he said. “Sorry I’m late. I had something I needed to take care of.”

  “That’s okay. No problem.”

  He crossed the room and came up behind her. To her surprise, he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck. “I haven’t stopped thinking about last night all day.”

  Her stomach flipped, her breath catching. “You haven’t?”

  He spun her in his arms, so she was facing him.

  “Of course not.” He must have sensed her hesitation as he leaned back to see into her face. “You’re not having regrets, are you?”

  She shook her head. “Not regrets, no, but I’m not sure it can happen again.”

  Oh, but how she wanted it to. Just being in such proximity to him made her feel like she was alive again, like she could forget all the other shit that was being thrown at her.

  “We’re both adults, Kristen. I know it’s not a usual setup, but neither of us are doing anything wrong.”

  “The university...” she started, but even she could hear that her heart wasn’t in her protests.

  “There’s no reason for them to find out. In fact, I’m not even sure about the course I’m doing there anymore. It isn’t what I was expecting.”

  “It isn’t?”

  “No, I’m not really enjoying it.”

  “But if you leave, you won’t be covered by the university housing anymore.”

  “Exactly.”

  Her mind was spinning. “So, you’d have to move out?”

  “Or you just stop being a host for them.”

  This was all getting a bit much. “We’ve only known each other a few weeks, Haiden. I’m not sure I can rush into big decisions like this. I’ve got a lot on my plate right now, what with everything happening at school, and then Stephen, Ollie’s father, stopped by earlier and threatened to make things difficult for me. He’d use any excuse to make me look like a bad mother, and he’d somehow twist around how I’m sleeping with a student, even if you are a mature one.”

  Haiden’s expression darkened, his eyes growing hard. “Stephen’s been hassling you? He was around here?”

  “Yes, but I dealt with it. As I’m sure you’re aware, I’m an adult.”

  “Yes, you are,” he agreed, “which is why you shouldn’t let people push you around.”

  He swept the hair away from her neck and placed a kiss at the point where her neck met her shoulder, sending shivers of pleasure through her.

  She knew she shouldn’t let people push her around, but it seemed like Haiden had a whole other way of getting what he wanted.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  The next day, she pulled herself together and took Ollie to school. She kept an eye out for Rachelle and Felix, but there was no sign of either of them in the playground. While she was happy not to go through any awkward confrontations, she did think it was strange. Rachelle was one of those women who was always on time, and never forgot P.E. kits or to sign forms that were needed for some activity or another. That they weren’t here when school started was unusual, and she hoped Rachelle’s absence wasn’t anything to do with her.

  She caught Anna’s eye across the long line of parents who were already trailing out of the office door. She was annoyed with Anna for telling Violet what had happened. That hadn’t been Anna’s place, and she wanted to say something, but knew she couldn’t do it in front of everyone like this. People would be gossiping about her already. She had no intention of stoking the fire.

  Giving Ollie a kiss goodbye, she left the school to hurry home. She needed to go and pick up the car, complete with four new tyres and a large bill, and the glazier was due to come around to fix the window as well. Though the chores were annoying, she was at least grateful she wasn’t going to spend the day at a loose end, overthinking things, as usual.

  Haiden had kissed her before he’d left that morning. The small gesture of affection had made her feel like they were approaching an actual relationship. He was the one thing that was going well in her life, and even though, deep down, she knew it couldn’t possibly go anywhere, she couldn’t bring herself to stop.

  Her phone rang, and she frowned down at the name displayed. It was Anna. Anna rarely phoned her unless it was to do with something at work, and it wasn’t as though it could be that, since she hadn’t even been there. She hoped this wasn’t going to have something to do with Violet sticking her nose in.

  She picked up the phone and swiped green to answer. “Anna, hi?”

  Anna didn’t even bother saying hello. “Have you heard?”

  “Heard what?”

  “Felix Hurst has been in an accident.”

  “Oh my God.” She sank down onto one of the kitchen chairs. “Is he okay? What happened?”

  “It sounds like he was climbing a tree in their back garden yesterday evening and fell. He’s badly injured his spine. He’s in hospital. They’re not sure he’s going
to be able to walk again.”

  “Oh, shit.” She clamped her hand over her mouth. “That’s terrible.”

  Automatically, she couldn’t help but put herself and Ollie in that position, imagining it was Ollie badly hurt and lying in a hospital bed. Those kinds of accidents could happen to anyone. There was no love lost between herself and Rachelle Hurst, but as one mother to another, she could empathise and feel terrible for the other woman. The amount of fear and worry going through Rachelle’s head right now must be heartbreaking.

  “Yeah, it is. Poor them,” Anna said, though she didn’t sound particularly sympathetic.

  “Is the school going to do something for them?” Kristen asked. “A card and collection to take to the hospital?”

  “Not that I know of, but it’s a good idea. I’ll run it by Andrew tomorrow and see what he thinks. He’s always been a fan of Rachelle’s, so I’m sure he’ll be one hundred percent behind doing something. Hell, he’ll probably organise it himself.”

  She allowed herself a smile, though it contained a hint of bitterness. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  “I’ll tell him that it was your idea, though, Kristen. You know, now that there’s not much chance of Felix coming back to school any time soon, and I’m sure Rachelle will have her hands full with taking care of him, maybe I could mention to Andrew that it would be a good idea to bring you back from your suspension sooner rather than later. Rachelle’s going to be too busy to even notice, never mind kick up a fuss, and Felix won’t be here, so you won’t have to worry about any more run-ins.”

  Go back to work?

  She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Of course, she needed the money, but a part of her had enjoyed not having to put Ollie in breakfast and afterschool club and being able to pick him up with all the other mothers. She also felt bad at the idea of benefitting off a tragic accident, though the thought of being at school and not needing to worry about where Felix was in relation to Ollie or having to put up with death stares from Rachelle across the playground also lifted a weight from her shoulders.

  “That would be great, Anna. Thanks.”

  “Honestly, I think he’ll jump at the chance of getting you back if Rachelle’s no longer around to pile on the pressure. It’s been a nightmare here since you left, and all the teachers and parents are complaining.”

  “They couldn’t find anyone to fill in for me, then?”

  “Nope, it’s the job no one else wants.”

  She laughed at that. “Well, if you could let Andrew know I’m motivated to come back, that would be great, and that I’ve learned my lesson, of course.” She hoped the spots at breakfast and afterschool club were still open.

  “Sure.”

  “And I am sorry to hear about Felix. Let me know if there’s a collection or anything.” She wasn’t sure she had much to spare, but if she got her job back, the pressure was off. Hopefully, no one at the university would find out about her and Haiden, and she’d continue to receive that money, too.

  “Will do,” Anna chirped. “Chat later.”

  She hung up.

  Kristen finished her chores for that day, and then went to pick Ollie up from school at three. She wondered how much the children had been told about what had happened to Felix, and wished she’d asked Anna when she’d had the chance. She decided not to mention anything to him unless he brought it up. She didn’t know how he was going to react, and she didn’t want to upset him unnecessarily.

  But as soon as they got into the house, Ollie turned to her. “What’s happened to Felix?”

  “Let’s sit down for a minute,” she said, putting out her arms to him.

  He went to her, and she took a seat at the kitchen table, pulling him onto her lap, taking comfort in his solid weight and warmth. It was easy to take the health and safety of her son for granted at times, but Felix’s accident reminded her that having Ollie was a gift, and even the times when she was tired and angry and frustrated, and he kept getting out of bed, or wanted just one more drink of water, and insisted on one more story, that there were plenty of mothers out there who would carve out their own hearts just to give their child one last kiss before bedtime.

  “Felix has had a bit of an accident.”

  He gazed up at her with wide, trusting eyes. “What happened?”

  “He fell out of a tree and hurt his back, and now he’s going to have to spend some time in hospital.”

  “I hope he’s okay.”

  “Yeah, me too, baby, but in the meantime, he’s not going to be at school.”

  “Does that mean you’re coming back?” Excitement lifted his voice.

  “I’m not sure yet. We have to wait and see.” She paused and asked, “Do you want me back at school?”

  “Yeah!” he enthused, twisting around to throw his small arms around her neck.

  She smiled and hugged him back. “Even if it means going to breakfast and afterschool club again?”

  He released her and shrugged. “I don’t mind. It means I get to play for longer.”

  “Yes, you do. Well, we’ll have to wait and see what your headteacher says, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  He remained on her lap, and she could tell he wanted to say something.

  “What is it, kiddo?”

  He let out a long sigh. “Was it because of me that you weren’t allowed to do your work anymore?”

  “Hey! No, not at all! What made you think that?”

  Ollie shrugged. “’Cause you got into a fight with Felix’s mummy, and then you got sent home. But I knew you got into that fight because of me.”

  She wriggled him around so she could look into his face. “Listen to me. It was not your fault. Felix was badly behaved, and the grownups didn’t do what was needed to make sure he learned the right way to behave. But the other grownups didn’t agree with me, and that’s why I got sent home. It was all about the grownups, not you kids. Not even Felix, okay?”

  He twisted his lips and nodded. “Okay.”

  “And anytime you have questions like that, just come and ask me. I’m not going to be angry with you for asking questions.”

  “Can I ask another one, then?”

  “Of course.”

  “How much longer is Haiden going to be staying?”

  She frowned at the sudden change of subject. “Haiden? Why? Don’t you like having him here?”

  “I don’t know. Sometimes, I wish it was just the two of us again.”

  “Oh, sweetheart, he’s still going to be here for another couple of months. I know it’s different having someone else around, but we really need the money.”

  Guilt speared at her heart. This was parenting in a nutshell. She felt guilty when they didn’t have any money. Guilty when she was working. Guilty when she wasn’t. And now she had to feel guilty about pushing a stranger into Ollie’s life as well. Did Ollie realise there was something more between her and Haiden? They’d done their best not to let him see any of the secret touches and kisses, but perhaps the atmosphere had changed between them?

  “The time will fly by, I promise,” she told him.

  But even as the words left her mouth, she worried she wouldn’t want to see Haiden go.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The front door slammed, and heavy footsteps pounded up the stairs.

  Kristen winced at the sound, pausing stirring the chilli she was making for dinner. Haiden was home, and the volume of the noise he was making to announce his arrival told her he wasn’t happy about something.

  Perhaps she would have left him alone before they’d slept together, but now she felt like he might need her in more of a capacity than simply providing a roof over his head and meals on the table. If something was bothering him, she wanted him to confide in her.

  She turned down the heat under the chili and climbed the stairs. That familiar buzz of a phone ringing while it was on silent filtered through his bedroom door, and she frowned, wondering why he never answered it. What had happen
ed with his family before he’d left that made him not want to speak to them?

  Lifting her hand, she knocked lightly on the door. “Haiden? Is everything okay?”

  His gruff voice came back to her through the wood. “I’m fine.”

  “Can I speak to you? You’re worrying me.”

  To her alarm, the door flew open, and he stood in the space, dwarfing it. “Not everything has to be about you, Kristen,” he snapped, his blue eyes hard.

  She drew back, suddenly intimidated by his size. She wasn’t used to this. He’d never made her feel this way before.

  “No, I’m... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn things around to me. I was just worried about you. That’s all I meant. Something has clearly upset you.”

  He slammed his fist against the side of the doorframe, and she jumped. “It’s this damned course I’m doing. It’s not what I was expecting.”

  “It isn’t?” This wasn’t the first time he’d mentioned that he was struggling. She’d hoped things had got better, but they clearly hadn’t improved.

  “No, the knowledge I’m expected to have doesn’t tie in with what they’re running. We’re having a bit of a...” he paused as he searched for the right word. “Disconnect.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” What did this mean? Would he be looking to leave early? She didn’t know how she felt about that. Not only did she not want to lose the money from his housing, she also didn’t want him to leave either. “Do you think you’ll be able to sort it out?”

  Haiden exhaled a sigh, and his shoulders relaxed. He reached out and laced his fingers through hers, and excitement danced through her at the contact. She wished she didn’t have such an instant reaction to him, but she’d been starved of any kind of affection for years now, and suddenly there was this handsome man in her home, and he genuinely seemed to like her.

  “I don’t know. Everyone there seems so different to me. Honestly, you’re the only person I’ve made any kind of connection with since I arrived in the UK.”